Suddenly I realized I needed to breath.  Just breath I told myself.  I took a deep breath and sputtered & spit.  How long was I without oxygen?  I shook my head. Fuck,  Im confused. A minute?  Over a minute?? I paniced and sputtered and gasped.  Just breath!!  It hurt to breath.  I felt dizzy. Come on,  get it together!!  I somehow focused on my breath. In and out…in ..and ..out. I could feel the colour draining from my face, like a toilet tank with the water swirling down and down and around.   I felt dazed and wobbled on my feet a bit.  Was that from lack of oxygen? Fuck if i know.  I hear someone talking in the background  but I cant hear the words. Sounded far away. Muffled. What were they saying?  Sounds like a word salad.  I cant hear anything but my own head talking. Bla bla bla. Its too much.   Breath. OoOoh.. Im ..Imm…I think I’m in pain?Wierd but I clutch my heart.  It felt like a hot red poker got ramed into my chest.  Cant seem to catch my breath. Sharp stabbing radiating pain.  I want to bend over and puke but my legs feel like a thousand pounds. Im paralized. Breath. Surreal.  Am I stuck in a night mare?  I pinch my arm. This is freakishly real.  I begin to sweat. Beads of sweat tinkle down my forehead. I stare hard down at my feet.  Focus. Those are my shoes.  Fuck I love my new sneakers. Huh?? Right! Back to the word salad.  …”right girl…..time..”   Oooh hey,  I recognize that voice, thats my boyfriend Jameson.  I love him soooo much! I dont fall in love often but ive decided Im gonna keep him. He”s got that “je ne sais quoi .” I love his look of artic blonde hair and baby blue eyes.  He smells so good with his manly man cologne on his chest.  I mostly just want to eat him up.  Dazed,  I look up and try to focus on his lips and  what his words are saying. My mouth feels dry. Sticky. His lips look perfect. I think im going to be sick.  Dont puke!!! Hold your breath.  Now breath!   “Again, your the right girl at the wrong time. I cant give you what you want.  Maybe, how about wait for me? Can you give me 6 months?”  Right!  Right?! Wtf?? This time I gather my courage, face him,  all pale faced, naushious and dizzy and say “No”. I then turned and walked away.  I walked as fast as my sick body could. Faster.  Faster.  Holy shit my heart was beating fast as it was crumbling.  Walk faster..faster! This hurts! Dick.  Asshole.  But I love him!  Feels like im having a heart attack.  My heart is bleeding. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. Help!  Help me someone, anyone??  Can you not see ive been involved in an accident? Im breaking! My heart is shattered and   crumbled into a thousand pieces. Why cant you see? Anyone?  Someone?   Shit! Where am I to go?  What do I do with all this???

Shift worker, 40 somethin and single. Easy on the eyes. Rocks most outfits.  Looks best in jeans, t-shirt and pony-tail. Comes with kids, schedules, a dog that eats garbage, car payments and a mortgage.  Works out regularly. Frequents yoga, the gym & hikes.  Especially likes laughing, kissing and singing.  Some days she is known to be fucking amazing and cook up a 4 star meal.  On most days, she holds it together well and can serve up a mean breakfast for supper.  Known to be even keeled. Loves to laugh. Occasionally cries in her pillow at night.  On days off?  She daydreams of getting in her car, squealing down the driveway and never coming back. Would enjoy meeting a male person to laugh with. Accents would be welcomed.  Dream date?  We like each other..

“Jesus..am i really here??”  Maybe i should sit back and think about this before i hit the send button. What about and the old fashion authentic way (the bar? the coffee shop? the grocery store?) Maybe I shouldn’t fish for companionship?   Dont quite know whats gonna come back on the end of my fishing line. But honestly, everyone is on their cell phones these days. I dont think people look up from their phones and take notice of much anymore. Interesting time to be single! I dont want anyone to think Im needy for love or better yet looking for a soul mate.  Good gad!  That’s all crap.  Its just, it’s just…I have limited down time. Sure would appreciate a grown up male opinion at times. Especially one that smelled good and was easy on the eyes. Bad me?? Oooh wtf…here i go. God help me. Send!

LEARNING  GROWING  EVOLVING  CHANGING  LIVING LAUGHING FUN CHATTER

o help you get started, here are a few questions:

Just a Bloggie Blog with  a dash of sarcasm ……not sure where it’s going.  Not sure where it will go. ,   your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.